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Meet Holly, the Heart Behind Esther & Albie — and Her Honest Breastfeeding Journey
Hi, I'm Holly - the founder of Esther & Albie, and more importantly, a mum to two beautiful babes, Zoe and Leo.
While writing this blog, I had a little realisation…I actually don’t have any photos of myself breastfeeding. I’m usually the one behind the camera, capturing everyone else’s moments - and not often in the frame myself. Something I’ll definitely try to change moving forward!
My Birth Stories
Zoe’s birth started off naturally - I went into labour on my own, but things didn’t quite go to plan. I never progressed beyond 6cm, and doctors noticed that I had a fever and her heart rate was rising. They suspected I had an infection, so I was put on IV antibiotics to try to bring my fever down, but ultimately, I needed an emergency cesarean. It was overwhelming, but she arrived safe and sound, and that’s what mattered most.
With Leo, I made the decision to have an elective cesarean. It was a really tough call, especially after feeling such a strong sense of disappointment in myself following Zoe’s birth. I think the mind can be cruel. I felt like my body had failed me, and I wasn’t prepared to go through that emotional rollercoaster again if I couldn't have a VBAC. Looking back, I know I made the best choice for me at the time.
My Breastfeeding Journey
Breastfeeding has been a beautiful, challenging, and deeply personal part of motherhood for me.
With Zoe, I tried and tried to get her to latch, but it just didn’t happen. I was determined to give her breastmilk though, so I exclusively pumped for three months. It was intense - physically and emotionally - and after three months, I made the switch to formula for the sake of my mental health.
With Leo, things went a little smoother. I was able to breastfeed him with just a few formula top-ups for the first three months. He was a hungry little guy, and I struggled to keep up with his growing appetite. I tried everything, supplements, prescribed medication, and colostrum harvesting during pregnancy (which I think made a big difference in those early days!).
What I Wish I Knew
That breastfeeding doesn't come naturally to everyone. It takes time. Patience. Support. And so much self-kindness.
I wish someone had told me that if your baby is gaining weight and seems content, you’re probably doing just fine. That every baby and every breast is different. That it’s okay if your journey looks nothing like anyone else's.
My Advice for New Mamas
Block out the noise. The comparison. The pressure. You are doing an incredible job, even on the days you don’t feel it.
Make sure you’re eating, you’ll be surprised how hungry breastfeeding makes you! Be prepared to sit for hours and just be with your baby. Take the help when it’s offered. Say no to things that don’t serve you. Cancel the coffee date. Let yourself rest. Let your baby rest. And if things don’t go perfectly from day one, don’t give up. Sometimes it just takes time to click.
Oh, and carve out some time just for you - where no one is touching you, asking for you, or needing you. A happy mama really does mean a happy baby.
The Best Advice I Ever Got About Motherhood
Don’t let other people’s opinions become your truth. People will always have something to say about sleep, feeding, routines, screen time, you name it. But at the end of the day, you are the expert on your baby. Take what resonates and leave the rest.
I spent way too much time worrying about what people thought of me as a mum and honestly, it drove me a little crazy. Don’t make the same mistake.
If I Could Turn Back Time...
I think I would have sought a second opinion from another lactation consultant when I was struggling to breastfeed Zoe. And truthfully, I wish I hadn’t pushed myself to pump for three whole months. It took a toll on my mental health and eventually led to a full breakdown. I was assigned a mental health nurse and had to really rebuild from that place.
Pumping works amazingly well for some mums, but it wasn’t the right fit for me. And that’s okay. Looking back, I’m proud of how far I’ve come and what I’ve learned along the way.
Thanks for reading my story. If you’re a mum in the thick of it right now, I see you. You are enough. Whatever your feeding journey looks like, it’s valid, it’s important, and it’s yours.
Love,
Holly x
Founder of Esther & Albie
